“I don’t feel worthy unless I achieve something.”
In so many areas of our culture, being singularly focused and determined is highly rewarded. So rewarded, that it’s not uncommon for a person to be tempted to apply this dedicated, all-in approach to their personal healing journey.
One way this can look is when a person has the sense that they will feel unworthy until they reach a certain end goal.
In this process, self compassion, gratitude, and celebration can all be withheld in an attempt to motivate a person towards a destination.
For a time, this may work. But this negative motivation loop is not sustainable, and for many it’s only a matter of time before they start to break down, fall into depression and lose the energy to continue.
“The family I was born into was extremely volatile. My mother could explode at any moment over the smallest things. The unpredictability coupled with the constant worry my verbalized about the world left me feeling like an alien or and outsider within the household”
“To be added”
The Healing Movement
“To be added”
Children who grow up in volatile or emotionally unsafe environments do not necessarily respond by disliking their caregivers. Instead, they can respond by disliking themselves.
This inward sense of unworthiness and shame can feel unbearable and in response, the person looks for any escape they can. One such escape is that the idea that they can achieve something that redeems them. It’s a sense that the goal in the distance, if reached, will rid them of all the weight that they bear.
Although this provides some relief and some much needed optimism, many people find out the hard way that the burden and feelings of unworthiness do not shift even when they do realize their goals.
In the end, the years or even decades of withholding self compassion, gratitude and enjoyment of living to make it to a goal can add up and leave a person feeling painfully isolated, depleted and/or resentful.