Grief in The Face of Death

"Whatever is alive is incomplete and in a process of becoming. The dead are complete. The longing for completion is, in essence, a longing for death. In order to stay living one must respect incompleteness.”

-Bert Hellinger

A really special quote from Bert. In Family Constellations, when the reality of death is acknowledged directly it can often soothe the family system rather than activate it.

Here’s one example of what I mean.

When people are faced with grief for the loss of a loved one it can feel like a tangled up mass of ‘whys’ along with anger, sorrow and/or regret.

On a deep level, the divide between those who are still alive and those who passed feels like a vast chasm. The expanse is so great it’s as if both sides will be hopelessly disconnected forever.

There is a healing sentence for the living to say to the dead in these instances:

“I will join you, in a little while”

This statement shifts the felt sense of distance in such a powerful way. The living and dead are suddenly barely separate at all.

You may appreciate trying this on your own. Try closing your eyes and visualizing a lost loved one 5-8 feet in front of you.

Notice how they look at you and how it feels to look at them. Then say the statement out loud “I will join you, in a little while,”

Notice how your body and mind shifts, notice where your thoughts go. And notice any ways that the image of the deceased person changes.

I love this healing statement because like so many in this work, it’s really just a statement of fact. And I appreciate Bert’s commentary of the total completion felt on the other side.

Thanks to Barry Krost for highlighting it ❤️

Nick Werber