"Expectation is the Opposite of Relationship." - Stephan Hausner

I'm absolutely blown away by the Family Constellations workshop I just got back from. Today I'm simply integrating three days of Family Constellations lead by veteran facilitator Stephan Hausner.

The quote pictured is a standout from the gathering.

What this points to is that as soon as you create an expectation for a person, you have now created a relationship to that expectation instead of to the person.

When we hold expectations, it's much harder for us to see other people. In expectation, our awareness becomes a filter that hunts for information to either confirm or deny the expectation. We begin categorizing our experience into a simple yes or no. And the side effect of this filtering is that we start ignoring all the information that doesn't fit neatly into either bucket.

Developing a relationship to the expectation is always a movement away from the other person as they are. It's a movement away from authentic connection.

In order to take in the world as it is, we need to actively resist the creation of expectations and developing relationships to these expectations. We need to allow ourselves to not filter our world, and in that process, receive more.

In a sense, I'm saying that we need to actively engage in healing practices. Much of healing can be thought of as a process of expanding outside of our previously held expectations. It’s a process of expanding to allow ourselves to develop new relationships to what's happening around us, within us, and between us.

What's bubbling up for me is that this all leads to why striving for authenticity is so powerful. Another definition for authenticity could be the process of listening to your heart and allowing it to guide you out of expectation. You can never know what your heart will feel at any moment. So simply opening to it and feeling it already gets you out of the trap of expectation and back into life as it is.

The universe is unexpected. The planet is unexpected. Every person you ever met was and is unexpected. This moment is unexpected. Your birth was an unfathomable stroke of luck. You are unexpected.

Headed to Tarrytown for Stephan Hausner Family Constellations Workshop

Tonight I'm headed up to Tarrytown for Stephan Hausner's Family Constellations weekend workshop. Stephan's focus is how Family Constellations can provide healing resource for people with chronic illnesses of unknown origin.

His work shows us that our early relationships to our parents and the traumatic events in our family's history can have a profound impact on the health of our bodies throughout our lives.

Stephan was one of the main teachers of one of my teachers, Dan Cohen. As Dan puts it, Stephan works primarily with the mother wound.

In this field of work, your body and your mother are inextricably connected. First of all, we all start from a place where our body and our mother's body are one and the same. The stress she feels and the grief she may have experienced becomes information we receive in the womb.

But this transference of information continues after birth. Our relationship to our mother continues to directly affect our bodies and minds throughout our lives.

For some people, working in Family Constellations and repairing the wounding with mom actually changes their health. Sometimes it's a matter of learning how to nurture yourself in the way you weren't nurtured. Sometimes it's about finding gratitude where there had been long-standing barriers of resentment, rejection or anger. This process and journey is unique for each person.

I personally have found Family Constellations to have had a positive impact on digestive issues I had struggled with for years. So this weekend I'm excited and curious to watch one of the leading facilitators in the field of chronic illness.

More updates to come!

(Image By Arden Wong, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=18069295)

Returning from the North American Family Constellations Intensive

I’m on my way home from the Systemic Constellations Intensive. Metro-North to Brooklyn on the Poughkeepsie line. Has anyone ridden this line before? It’s stunningly beautiful - I’m just like... what state am I in?

As I contemplate the Intensive, one thing is clear: I’m returning as a new person. The healing work that was done for me, and the work I supported for others was so expanding.

I had a session done about a block I have in my own facilitation and learned something profound about myself that shifts how I hold my identity. It ’s a tip-off that when the healer is blocked about something, there ’s likely something going on that relates to their own systems like their family of origin.

Well, the most I can share at this time is opening up a session about it didn’t disappoint! 😊

Aside from my personal work I just feel so affirmed that Family Constellations is so deep and so versatile. There is no end to the journey of mastering this work. And it’s such a treat to watch facilitators from all over the world bringing their own style and vision to it.

Thank you to my fellow facilitators in the mentoring group. That was a wild ride. And thank you to the Intensive faculty!

📷 sign in the woods outside the Intensive

“The only thing worse than a guilty perpetrator is a self righteous victim.” - Dan Cohen

Another Dan Cohen quote I’ve been sitting with for awhile: “The only thing worse than a guilty perpetrator is a self righteous victim.”

One of the most difficult energies to transmute in a healing process is when self righteousness appears in an individual, family, culture or nation. Many of us are fully aware of forms of self righteous perpetration. One way this looks is when people do something evil thinking it’s the right thing to do because the nation, god or authority says so. But there’s another similarly detrimental form of self righteousness which is self righteous victimhood.

Self righteous victimhood takes the form of wanting to rub the other side’s face in what they’ve done even after the truth has been seen. It can be a way of saying ‘you can never reconcile what you did, and I’ll never stop reminding you of that.’

Reconciliation is a process that begins with truth telling. The act of perpetration must be spoken about and seen. That’s critical - if the truth isn’t spoken and seen and we tell a victim to move on then we’re victim blaming.

Once the act of perpetration is spoken and seen, the perpetrator must give something back or sacrifice something for the victim. Lastly, the victim must accept what is given or share what else they need to be honored and have balance restored. Self righteousness interrupts this process at the point where the perpetrator might give something back or at the point where the victim must accept the balancing act or sacrifice.

Self righteous victimhood is actually a way victims perpetrate in retaliation. It’s like the victim is saying “I’ll never let you feel innocent ever again for what you did!”

Well, whose voice does that sound like? Withholding or taking the innocence of others is what perpetrators do.

In effect, self righteousness blurs the line between victim and perpetrator. If both sides keep sending the message that their primary goal is to dig in and keep pointing fingers - nothing moves forward. In these cases, the individuals and systems they belong to cannot heal. And generations to come feel the burden of this unhealed wounding.

The Safest Presence for Healing: People Who Know What They Don't Know

More thoughts from this retreat. Here’s a paraphrased statement from Dan Cohen to start:

“The safest presences for healing are the people who simultaneously know what they’re doing and don’t know what they’re doing. They hold both simultaneously.

This is opposed to those who act feeling they fully know what they’re doing or totally don’t know what they’re doing. These people are stifling and even dangerous to any healing process.”

We need both knowing and not knowing in order to be effective in what we do. If we hold that we know exactly what we’re doing at all times, we stop being open to seeing anomalies in our experience - which are part of the whole of every process. And if we do recognize something outside of our knowledge, we’re likely to act as if we understand it to maintain our ego. If this happens, we risk being heavy handed and screwing things up just to keep our act going.

In a sense, there’s a critical role for ‘healthy doubt.’ We don’t know everything. We know and we don’t know what we’re doing at the same time.

This awareness is the starting point that healing and facilitating healing begins from. No one is always good or only bad. No one knows everything. No one is always right.

Doing By Not Doing - A Reflection On This Family Constellations Retreat

I’m about halfway through day two of this Family Constellations training and retreat. Pictured is the labyrinth at the retreat center.

A repeating message that I’ve been hearing during this training is the power of ‘doing by not doing.’

What that means is sometimes our rush to do something when faced with an issue is what puts us deeper in quicksand. Doing by not doing is a really powerful practice. To consciously choose to pause and wait for an answer to come to you instead of grasping for it brings new solutions in.

This is very different from procrastination, where you’re not doing because of various internal or external barriers, or the task at hand is out of alignment with who you are.

Doing by not doing is a conscious decision. I try to employ it in session and in workshops as much as possible. Often, the less I’m doing, the better the experience is for other people.

Sometimes this is as simple as letting silence hang for a few extra moments. This is great because the person I’m working with is invited in to share too. Either of us can choose to fill the silence if we feel called to.

Or sometimes I direct the work down a new path that allows the person to pull in more resources that give them the best possible chance of finding an answer that really works for them. In effect, this again takes the focus or pressure off me to problem solve.

To fellow healers, therapists, coaches - do you ever feel like the people you work with are looking at you for an answer? Do you feel pressure to solve their puzzle? What would happen if you didn’t take part in that and engaged in doing by not doing? What might come from that?

Returning to Maha Rose For A Family Constellations Workshop: Work Money & the Soul

Maha Rose

Family & Ancestry Healing Workshop
Date: Saturday July 28th
Time: 10:30a - 2:30p
Location: Maha Rose Center of Healing, 97 Green St Brooklyn, NY 11222
Exchange: $65
Click here to enroll

Back by popular demand, I'll be doing another workshop on the relationships we have to work and money. We will examine the often overlooked ways our family and upbringing deeply shapes how we work, whether we save money or not, the types of jobs we are attracted to, and how we interact with our bosses or our clients/customers. From there, we'll move from insight to action and begin to connect to practical ways of shifting these patterns so that we are freer to connect with our intentions at work and outside of work.

This workshop sold out last time it was held. To make sure you can attend, register in advance!

Full Workshop Description

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung

Have you ever stopped to examine why you work the way you do? Do you struggle to find work that pays fairly and fulfills you at the same time? Have you tried to improve your work situation by switching jobs or career paths only to find that you’re running into the same problems with your new boss and coworkers? Or perhaps you’ve started a business but the vulnerability of promoting yourself has you feeling frozen?

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many people encounter mysterious internal and external barriers in the workplace. And despite a change of office or changing fields of work completely, they still find themselves fighting the same battles to feel respected, worthy, and be fulfilled by their work.

Using Systemic Constellations, a groundbreaking healing modality, this workshop will hone in on how your experiences at work are deeply connected to often overlooked aspects of your upbringing, your family and even your family’s history.

This isn’t casual observation. Systemic Constellations are supported by two decades of Epigenetics research which has repeatedly shown that what your parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents experienced in life impacts how you move and act in the world today.

In this eyes-open, experiential approach, fellow participants will be asked to stand and represent aspects of your workplace, money, or specific people in your life and family. As these individuals stand in representation, they will be gently guided to tap into a field of consciousness that allows them to become a mirror that reflects back the dynamics you’re exploring. At first, the accuracy of these maps or constellations may be surprising. But as we progress through the workshop, we’ll go beyond creating visual representations of your life and move towards how you can free yourself from the entanglements that are wrapped around your potential to receive and experience more from your work.
Some of the intentions of this workshop:

• Engage in a process of connecting with consciousness that is beyond the ordinary

• Uncover the areas of your work and family system that are unhealed, unseen or unacknowledged so that they may be worked with in conscious awareness

• Break the unconscious patterns that pull you toward recreating echoes of the past in your present day life

• Offer practical steps to move forward with strength to make meaningful and positive shifts in your life outside of the workshop

A note: Every person will experience tapping into differing fields of consciousness and will represent for each other in the class. Due to the format and time frame, it may be the case that one or two attendees will not have a personal constellation done of their work environment or family. However, for the vast majority of people that engage in this work, the experience of representing for others is just as insightful as having a personal constellation. What you represent is always of significance. There are no coincidences.

Healing The Past Isn't About Erasing What Happened, It's About Integrating It: Understanding Inherited Family Trauma

Healing the past isn't about erasing what happened, it's about integrating it. When we heal from the past, what happened doesn't change. But how we hold it, or how it holds us, can change completely.

When we do not have the resources to integrate our past, it directs our future. One of the most compelling reasons to seek help from a therapist or healer is that our unprocessed trauma may not only impact us, but our children as well.

Here's just one example of how this happens: A person who is traumatized may struggle with determining when a situation is safe or dangerous. What does a child internalize when a parent is always worried about the potential for danger? They learn that the world must not be safe. Or they learn that they can't believe their parent. Often, they take in both.

Now flash forward to that child's adult life. In most cases, they've either accepted their parent's barometer for what is safe and what isn't or they have had to figure it out from scratch. Regardless, they are at a higher risk for experiencing trauma themselves because they will struggle to perceive who and what situations are legitimately dangerous. In truth, these children are working with the effects of trauma that happened before they were born.

Do you know what is one of the single most powerful gifts you can give a child as they come of age? Tell them the whole story of their family history. Tell them about why the family fled their homeland, how a grandfather was ostracised, or where mental illness exists in the family tree.

By contrast, one of the most damaging beliefs out there is that not telling children about where they come from protects them. In fact, the exact opposite is true.

Knowing these stories enables children to break the cycles. As in all things, if we don't know the history, we are more likely to repeat it.

A person cannot erase their past, but it can be processed and integrated. When we integrate, we feel safe to speak about what happened. When we talk about it, the next generation is able to choose their path with a greater awareness of what came before them.

Thank you to Suzi Tucker, whose email correspondence inspired parts of this post

Family Constellations Healing and a Favorite Mr. Rogers Quote

“We need to help people discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence.” - Mr. Rogers

Here's a stand out quote from Mr. Rogers that my partner shared with me. Not only is it a beautiful quote about love, but it directly speaks to an intention of the Family Constellations healing work I do.

Dependence does not equal love. In fact, dependence can actually get in the way of love. Here's a surprising example in committed relationships:

When a partner becomes so ill that they cannot care for themselves, the healthy partner often reflexively assumes the role of caregiver. In a short period of time, the partnership can go from a relationship of equals to a relationship between a caregiver and dependent.

If the healthy partner does this out of duty without considering their own independence and needs, it can result in all kinds of negative consequences. One of the most common and surprising issues that can arise is that the sick partner begins to resent or openly express anger toward the care-giving partner.

What? Why is that? One reason is that give and take in the relationship has become dramatically unbalanced. The sick partner is now receiving care and attention that they could never reciprocate - and that weighs on them. Unconsciously, the sick partner can actually become invested in pushing the other person away because the balance of give and take is so one-sided.

How is balance and love restored to these relationships? The healthy partner must be given permission to choose if they want to be a caregiver or not. They must stand in their independence and choose what is right for them. From this place, they can choose to give care to their partner to the degree that they are still respecting their own needs.

If the decision is made from this place, both people are respected as individuals and a healthy flow of love can continue. Importantly, the dependent is freed from being a burden to the other person because both parties have made their choice freely.

Have you ever witnessed a person who has become sick or hospitalized get angry at their caregiver(s)?

Disclaimer: Please know that there are always exceptions to these observations. This is a broad brush stroke to inspire introspection about the flow of love in relationships.

New Workshop: Work Money & the Soul at Maha Rose

Maha Rose

Family & Ancestry Healing Workshop
Date: Wednesday June 6th
Time: 7:30p - 10p
Location: Maha Rose Center of Healing, 97 Green St Brooklyn, NY 11222
Exchange: $45
Click here to enroll

I'm excited to share that I'm returning to Maha Rose to lead a healing workshop devoted to the relationships we have with work and money. We'll examine the often overlooked ways our family and upbringing deeply shapes how we work, whether we save money or not, the types of jobs we are attracted to, and how we interact with our bosses or our clients/customers. From there, we'll move from insight to action and begin to connect to practical ways of shifting these patterns so that we are freer to connect with our intentions at work and outside of work.

"Knowledge is a rumor until it lives in the body"

Earlier this week I was watching "The OA" and out of nowhere the lead character just drops this statement. Amazing!

There's so many ways this rings true for me. One that sticks out at this moment is the difference between explaining something and experiencing it.

There's so much information in this world about healing, awareness, energy and loving yourself. So it's so easy to become a collector of grand platitudes and clever explanations. I've been a collector throughout my life. And of course, the quote in the image is the latest toy in my collection.

But I think as we collect these snippets that point to experiences, it's important to stay connected to just that - the experience. When we heal and support others to heal themselves, there is a part of the work that will always remain a mystery. This is what I lovingly call "my favorite part." You could study the brain, the planet, the universe for countless lifetimes and you would still be fighting an uphill battle against something that cannot be fully grasped. You would still be unable to explain the whole of what is.

So what I'm suggesting is that when we share our clever explanations, we say them knowing that we've only captured a fraction of what's truly happening. A grain of sand at a beach so to speak. And we certainly haven't mastered what we're talking about just because we explained it succinctly.

I feel the whole world is asking for less telling and more authentic feeling. Don't tell me to love myself. Speak to me in a way that I feel the love you have for yourself. Show me that it's possible. That means something.

When I understand something in my body, it feels deeper than the information that 'makes sense' or seems 'logical' to my mind. When I connect with something and I feel expansion, joy, peace or stillness in my body, I know I've touched something that's true in me. It's more nuanced than words, and it's a very different level of knowing than memorization.

So for me, I don't hold onto written or verbal explanations too tightly. I'm not saying there's no place for explanations. But I think it's worth noting that although explanations serve a purpose, they are very limited.

The Trans-Generational Effects of Slavery

Another training weekend complete. Like all the others, without any conscious decision by the organizers or students, a clear theme emerged:

This weekend's sessions repeatedly brought up the trans-generational effects of slavery.

For many people, opening a constellation and working 3,4,5 generations back means working directly with slavery.

To be a white male and to step into the position of authority that comes with facilitating a family system session with slavery is highly sensitive. However, I want to specifically encourage all white and otherwise privileged healers to go there. To push that threshold within yourself in whatever modality you work in even if it's clumsy at first. To look at your own connection to slavery and to find a place to stand where you can be a resource for others in the shadow of this collective history.

There's a need for this for so many reasons. But one of them is that the 'healing' community is just like the country in the sense that it's incredibly segregated. There's a lot work to be done to make healing centers and workshops safe and accessible to everyone and this is part of that work.

Fear and guilt are blocking the system and its individuals from looking at slavery. That's what makes it hard. So this an instance where people have to really bring their resources in to help them wade through that resistance to see what's on the other side.

Everyone reading this already knows you can't heal what you refuse to look at. At this time there's a grave urgency for the transgenerational effects of slavery to be seen.

Be Myself?

When I work with someone and they tell me "I wish I could just be myself" my next question usually is, "what version of yourself are you envisioning?" Sometimes people get attached to an idea that one version of who they are is 'true' while the others are false.

From my perspective, it is fundamentally human to switch roles based on the context. We are a different version of ourselves with our family than we are with friends. We're different at our place of work than at church. And none of those groups get to see the version of us that we are with our partner. And it isn't only because our partner gets to see us naked. We speak differently. We know what's acceptable and what's not. We curse differently or not at all. We express our political ideas differently or not at all. The list goes on.

I once watched a standup comedian complain about how they hated first dates because they kept meeting the 'representative' version of the other person. His date always seemed so perfect on the first date but when they became their 'true self' a few more dates down the line everything changed.

As social beings that survived in groups for thousands of years, the function of knowing how to belong to a group is a natural evolutionary gift that we all have. When I lead Family Constellation workshops the participants are often asked to represent the family members of other people in the group. What's remarkable is how accurate these representations can be. But I think it's also important to remember that in a sense, there's something organic about it. We're already experts at switching our representation based on the context. We do it all the time.

To close this, I want to mention that a desire to be yourself but not being able to is often connected to a fear of being seen. And that's not just a perceived fear for many people. Sometimes being seen for who you are can result in being ostracized from your family, fired from your job or worse.

I'll be doing more writing on the fear of being seen. But for now the intention of this post is to expand around what 'being yourself' really means as a human being.

"Your Biology Becomes Your Biography"

For me this quote points to how our histories actually manifest within our bodies. One of the first questions I'll ask a client is "what is your relationship with your mother like?" It can be a pretty straightforward question but the implications of the answer are far reaching.

If we didn't feel safe in our mother's care, we can have trouble feeling safe in the world. If we didn't feel we were taken care of properly, we can fall into patterns of resisting the care or guidance of caregivers like doctors or therapists. There's an endless number of ways our relationship to our mother expresses itself in our daily lives.

Here's an example of a study that was done that points to how our history affects our biology. In the 50s researchers at Harvard Medical School asked 21-year-old students a simple multiple choice question - check the box that indicates the type of relationship you have with each of your parents. The choices were 'very close', 'warm and friendly', 'tolerant' or 'strained and cold.'

35 years later they interviewed them again and the results were remarkable: 91% percent of participants who said that their relationship with their mother was “tolerant” or “strained and cold” had been diagnosed with a significant health issue. Issues like coronary artery disease, hypertension, alcoholism, etc. If the person said their relationship with their mother was “warm and friendly” or “very close,” only 45% of them had a major health issue. Similar numbers were reported for participants who described their relationship with their father: 82 percent versus 50 percent. Perhaps most astounding - if participants had a strained or cold relationship with both parents, 100% of them had been diagnosed with a significant health issue when they were interviewed again at age 56.

This is why I work with the images people hold of their parents. Whether they are living or deceased, the relationship we formed with them (or didn't form) has a major impact on our lives. If these bonds are strained, working with them can have far reaching impact.

Family & Ancestry Healing At Maha Rose

Maha Rose

Family & Ancestry Healing Workshop
Date: Sunday March 18th
Time: 2pm - 6pm
Location: Maha Rose Center of Healing, 97 Green St Brooklyn, NY 11222
Exchange: $55
Click here to enroll

I'm excited to announce I'll be returning to Maha Rose to lead a healing workshop on family and ancestry Sunday March 18th. The workshop will offer an opportunity for people to connect the dots within themselves and their lineage in a way they may never have before. From there, we'll move from insight to action and open our minds and bodies to resolutions that can profoundly shift our lives outside of the session.

Why look at our family and ancestors? The latest research in the field of Epigenetics shows that the effects of trauma experienced by ancestors can be passed down to children, grandchildren and beyond. A family history that includes war, abuse, displacement, secrets or the emotional toll of an unexpected death does not end with the ancestors that experienced it. Instead our ancestor's experience lives on and influences our coping mechanisms, how we support ourselves, who we bond with, how we use money and where we feel safe in the world.

Our family has a strong influence on how we face the world. It can be a powerful resource or something that on some level we feel we must overcome in order to be the person we want to be. No matter the circumstances, we'll work gently and compassionately to find strength in where we come from. And we'll have the opportunity to bring that new sense of strength and rootedness into our lives.

Full Workshop Description

“A human being is part of the whole… [though] he experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.” – Albert Einstein

The latest research in the field of Epigenetics shows that the effects of trauma experienced by ancestors can be passed down to children, grandchildren and beyond. A family history that includes war, displacement, secrets, abuse or the emotional toll of an unexpected death does not end with the ancestors that experienced it. Instead, it lives on in the descendants.

Using Systemic Family Constellations we will examine the deepest, often ignored aspects of who we are and where we come from. We'll examine the long-tail effects transgenerational suffering has on our coping mechanisms, how we support ourselves, who we bond with, how we use money and where we feel safe in the world. Once connected with these broader views of who we are, we'll engage in a process that uncovers meaningful resolutions that can translate into positive shifts in our lives outside of the session.

In this eyes-open, experiential approach, the group will be asked to stand and represent people from your family, lineage, or a significant other in your life. As these individuals stand in representation, they will be gently guided to tap into a field of consciousness that allows them to become a mirror that reflects back the dynamics you’re exploring. At first, the accuracy of these maps or constellations may be surprising. But as we progress through the workshop, we’ll go beyond creating visual representations of our lives and move towards how we can free ourselves from the entanglements that are wrapped around our potential to receive and experience more from life.

Some of the intentions of this workshop:

• Engage in a process of connecting with consciousness that is beyond the ordinary
• Experience what it feels like to have our personal stories and family history be a source of strength that enables us to live in alignment with our goals
• Break unconscious cycles of sabotage by bringing the roots of unwanted patterns into conscious awareness and transmuting them
• Connect anger, resentment or hopelessness with its core source to reveal practical steps toward resolution

A note: Every person will experience tapping into differing fields of consciousness and will represent for each other in the class. Due to the format and timeframe, it may be the case that one or two attendees will not have a personal constellation done of their family. However, for the majority of people that engage in this work, the experience of representing for others is just as insightful as having a personal constellation. What you represent is always of significance.

We Are All One?

"We are all one" is a spiritual and religious concept I've heard many times from many different sources. It can be an attractive idea to some and to others it sounds like meaningless woo woo. Regardless of which camp you sit in, the concept is something people say and spend hours meditating on because it isn't always obvious in our day to day lives. It's a nice idea, but where's the proof?

First, 'oneness' is about more than just people. It points to a lack of separation in all things. And the ways this can be conceptualized is endless. Our cells aren't separate from our bodies, people aren't separate from animals, animals aren't separate from the planet, the planet isn't separate from the stars, and so on and so forth.

What I'm interested in are the ways we can see lack of separation in front of our eyes. If we are one when we look at the entirety of the universe then we should see it when we zoom into its parts. For this post, the aspect of 'we are one' that I want to highlight how connected we are as people.

In my experience, doing Family Constellations and ancestral work is the most tangible way I've ever witnessed the concept of "we are all one." When people support others in these workshops, part of what happens is that they stand and represent fathers, mothers, children or siblings for other people in the group. Fellow group members stand up and become the map of a person's family tree. Although these participants are strangers to each other, a remarkable sense of familiarity always appears. Despite the fact that they're standing in for people of a different family that they've never met, they suddenly find themselves working with a family dynamic that's all too familiar for them personally. It's a connection that's deeper than simply relating to the narrative of what's going on. You can feel this connection in your bones.

So when I examine "we are one," one way I conceptualize it is to say "we are all one family." Not only do I see this in how interconnected relative strangers can be in family healing workshops. But it's a fact we've been taught since we were young. If we go back far enough in history, we all go back to the same mother in Africa. So we are all one... one family.

This is why I feel group ancestral and family healing is so powerful. It may look like we spend an hour working with one person's family, take a break, and then an hour on another person's family. But even in a group of strangers, we're still working on different branches of one family tree.

New Workshop at The Narayana Integrative Center

Family & Ancestral Healing Workshop

Location: Narayana Integrative Center
Address: 191 Nassau Ave, Greenpoint BK
Date: Sunday, February 11th
Time: 1-5pm
Link to register: Narayana Center Mind Body Enrollment

1. Create a free MindBody account
2. Click workshops, scroll to the Family Constellation workshop and click "Sign Up Now"

Exchange: $55

Full Workshop Description

 “A human being is part of the whole… [though] he experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.” – Albert Einstein

The latest research in the field of Epigenetics shows that trauma experienced by one generation can be passed down to children, grandchildren and beyond. A family history that includes war, illness, abuse or the emotional toll of an unexpected death does not end with the ancestors that experienced it. Instead, it lives on in the descendants until these experiences are acknowledged and given the space for healing. It's for this reason that an essential part of what keeps many of us in cycles of suffering is that we struggle to see that our challenges are not solely our own.

Using Systemic Family Constellations, a groundbreaking healing modality, we will examine the deepest often ignored aspects of who we are and where we come from. We'll examine the long-tail effects transgenerational suffering has on our coping mechanisms, how we support ourselves, who we bond with, how we use money and where we feel safe in the world. Once connected with these broader views of who we are, we'll engage in a process that uncovers meaningful resolutions that can profoundly shift the landscape of our lives after the session.

In this eyes-open, experiential approach, the group will be asked to stand and represent people from your family, workplace, or a significant other in your life. As these individuals stand in representation, they will be gently guided to tap into a field of consciousness that allows them to become a mirror that reflects back the dynamics you’re exploring. At first, the accuracy of these maps or constellations may be surprising. But as we progress through the workshop, we’ll go beyond creating visual representations of our lives and move towards how we can free ourselves from the entanglements that are wrapped around our potential to receive and experience more from life.

A note: Every person will experience tapping into differing fields of consciousness and will represent for each other in the class. Due to the format and timeframe, it may be the case that one or two attendees will not have a personal constellation done of their family.  However, for the majority of people that participate in this practice the experience of representing for others is as insightful as having a personal constellation. What you are asked to represent is always of significance.

Exercise: Are You Experiencing The Effects of Inherited Trauma?

Today I've been inspired to create a visual adaptation of an exercise that Mark Wolynn shared a conference he spoke at called Science and Non-Duality 2017. I love this exercise and feel it can have a profound effect for people.

The exercise takes about 5-8 minutes and boils down to a set of questions. Take a moment to think about each answer and find what feels true to you. As you answer, simply notice what becomes present in your mind and body.  And although it's only a few questions, I suggest you write your answers down as you go.

The intention of this exercise is to provide a method of uncovering whether or not you are experiencing the presence of inherited family trauma. Of course, not all trauma is ancestral. Adult (recent events), childhood or in-utero trauma are also possible origins. But you'll get a feel for whether or not the experience lives in your family history from the exercise itself. Lastly, due to the subject matter, I suggest you do this in a comfortable place where you won't be interrupted.

Simply click on the slides below as you complete each step. If you're on a phone, turn your phone sideways to enlarge the text.

Further support:

If you felt a connection between your personal experience and your family history as a result of this exercise, write me about it. I can provide a background around how it can be addressed for not only your benefit, but for the benefit of your descendants.

¹ Transgenerational transmission of cortisol and PTSD risk

The Rebel's Dilemma

Whatever you do, I do the opposite
Whatever you believe, I believe something different
If you say left, I go right
If you say up, I go down
If you are poor, I'll be rich
If you are conservative, I'll be progressive
If you are ignorant, I'll be conscious
If you never left your town, I'll travel the world
If you struggle to express your feelings, I'll master the language of the heart
If you think you're unworthy, I'll be special
If you fear the world, I'll dive in head-first
If you pinch pennies, I'll spend freely
If you are a drinker, I'll be sober
If you're stuck in your ways, I'll be spontaneous
If you are loud, I'll be quiet
If you neglected me, I'll smother mine

You are my family
I am your daughter, son, brother, sister or grandchild
I've spent a lifetime devoted to being what you aren't
I've been seeking who I am without you
But I haven't moved an inch outside your sphere
It's the rebel's dilemma
Because the inspiration behind my choices is always the same
You